that's all you had to say
by drizzley
Summary: out of all the seasons, leaf-bare is the worst. it always will be.


This is a writing challenge for SoulClan, Where Lost Souls Are Found

Prompt: _"What can I say? Of me, you steer clear."_

4,476 words. This was longer than expected.

Enjoy!

* * *

The violent leaf-bare breeze swept by Ivypaw, leaving her freezing. Leaf-bare was the always the worst time for all of the Clans, little prey, green-cough or worse illnesses, the freezing air, and battles between Clans due to the need of territory for hunting. It was a horrible time, and no one looked forward to it, especially not her.

She was normally always up and excited to, train, hunt, and learn. But with the weather being so harshly cold, she hated leaving the apprentices' den. She'd have to face the harsh air, the snow freezing her paws, and just the plain uncomfortable feeling of being outside during leaf-bare. It was awful for her, and she was sure that most of her Clan agreed with her.

ThunderClan was clearly the best Clan, at least in her opinion. Then again, it probably was based off the fact that ThunderClan was her home. But she did have other reasons than the fact that she lived there, things like they were fair- well, most of them at least. There were definitely some warriors she could name that had certain issues when it came to anger and violence.

Another breeze swept by her, leaving her face stinging with the freezing cold. _I hate leaf-bare_ , she thought to herself. _I hate the weather, and everything about it._

"Ivypaw." She froze as she heard her name being called, and finally looked up to see her mentor, Dawnshade. "Ivypaw, what was I just saying?" Uh oh.

"Uh…" Ivypaw was desperately reaching through her mind, trying to find something from any part of her that might have been listening to her mentor. But there was nothing, she had been completely lost in her thoughts. "I don't know," she confessed.

"Well, you should have been listening." The tone that Dawnshade said it was so low and cold, as if she was seriously upset. Ivypaw knew that Dawnshade was either in a very bad mood, or she was done with her zoning out all the time.

That was her problem, she could never pay attention. She would always get lost in her own thoughts, even if she was thinking about the littlest of things. _Maybe it's a bigger problem than I thought it was. It must be if Dawnshade is that upset._

"I'm sorry," she apologized, "I _should_ have been listening."

Dawnshade didn't quite seem satisfied with her response, but she continued along anyway.

"Well, we were discussing battle strategies. In case you didn't hear this part either, we're having our first practice battles today," Dawnshade explained, then turned her attention to all the apprentices. They were all in a row, Ivypaw being somewhere in the middle. Dawnshade flicked her tail toward the other mentors, standing right behind her. "Remember, these are simply battles for your mentors to see how well you would do in a battle. _However_ , no claws will go unsheathed. We are all Clanmates, and will _not_ hurt each other in a serious way."

Fawnleap, one of the mentors, stepped forward. "Understood?" she asked, glaring at Ivypaw and the rest of the apprentices.

"Understood," Ivypaw and the rest of the apprentices said in unison.

"Good," Fawnleap meowed. "Well, go ahead and pick an opponent, I suppose. Each fight will happen one at a time."

Before Ivypaw could even turn around, she felt someone bump into her. She turned around to see pair of blue eyes looking into hers, and realized it was Mousepaw.

"Sorry!" he apologized, looking at his paws, seeming afraid to look at her any longer.

"It's okay," she responded. "It's nothing really."

Mousepaw gave a nervous chuckle. "Good thing I ran into you, the other apprentices would probably hate me for bumping into them."

"Really?" she asked. She had never really socialized with any of the other apprentices except her one friend, Sunpaw. She knew all the other apprentices by name, and knew a little bit about their personalities, but she had never actually _known_ them. All she ever really needed was Sunpaw.

"Yeah." Mousepaw slightly tilted his head. "Don't you know about how yesterday Adderpaw jumped at Frostpaw because she was in his way and wouldn't move? And how Reedpaw and Harepaw fought that once?"

"No, I've never heard of that before now," she told him. "I'm not really one to socialize, I just have Sunpaw and that's it really, one friend is all I need, you know?"

"I get you," Mousepaw murmured. "My only friend is Harepaw, really, I just kind of know things because everyone talks about them."

"I never really listen," she explained. "Anyway...do you want to be opponents?"

"Like fight against each other?"

"Yeah, I'm not a good fighter anyway, trust me, you won't have much trouble."

"You're lying," Mousepaw laughed. "But yeah, you're on."

* * *

"First pair, Mousepaw and Ivypaw!" Dawnshade announced, locking her eyes in with Ivypaw's. _I'll do just fine_ , she thought to herself. _Well, I hope I will_. She stood in a low position, so she'd be ready to pounce. From there she didn't exactly have a plan, but she'd do what she did as she went along. After all, you can't really predict the outcome of a battle- anything could happen.

"Ready!" Dawnshade's sharp voice made her look straight up into Mousepaw's eyes. _He wouldn't purposefully hurt me or brag about it if he won, he seemed nice, she thought. Then again, not everyone is what they seem. With first impressions they usually cover up who they really are so that the cat will like them._

"Set!" Ivypaw couldn't help but doubt that Mousepaw was as nice as he seemed, what if he hurt her just to win? She didn't know him well, so really anything was possible. Then again, why would he seem nice just to be mean and ruin it all in the end? What good what that do?

Well, there probably were some cats who took joy in watching others feeling hurt and betrayed or whatever, but Ivypaw wasn't one of those trusting, gullible apprentices who would believe everything that everyone said, if Mousepaw did turn out to be a jerk, she wouldn't care. He wasn't close to her, it wouldn't affect her.

"Go!" The second Dawnshade called it out, Ivypaw sprang into the air. Due to her luck, she jumped with too much force and landed behind him. Then again, he had been right in front of her, why in StarClan had she jumped like that? Oh well, she had the rest of the fight to win.

Mousepaw whipped around and came at her, but his claws were sheathed, perhaps he wasn't someone willing to break the rules to win. He tackled her to the ground, and she laid still, it was a technique Dawnshade had taught her in her early apprenticeship. She was still, as if saying that she had given up. When Mousepaw loosened his grip, she sprang up at him, sending them both crashing to the ground.

"Hey!" Mousepaw was grinning. "You'll pay for that!" He leapt at her, and she sprang away barely in time. He crashed back on the ground, and she couldn't hold in her giggle. Before Mousepaw could get back up, Dawnshade stepped forward.

"I'd love to see this battle continue, but we're running out of time. The winner is Ivypaw, next pair, Frostpaw and Sunpaw!"

* * *

"Hey, you won!" Sunpaw cheered once they were all in the apprentices' den again.

"Yeah, she did, and she was really good." Mousepaw was smiling at her, and Ivypaw felt weird. She had never had anyone besides Sunpaw praise her.

"So did I, Sunpaw honestly did an awful job, I don't take much pride in my win." Frostpaw was glaring triumphantly at Sunpaw. Ivypaw couldn't understand why Sunpaw looked upset. Did Sunpaw actually care about what Frostpaw had to say?

"Nobody asked you." Ivypaw was beyond surprised to see Mousepaw stand up for Sunpaw, perhaps she had made a friend after all. Just maybe.

"I don't _need_ someone to invite me into a conversation," Frostpaw snapped. "I'm just telling the truth and how I feel."

"You should really learn when to stop talking," Sunpaw hissed.

"You should learn how to talk _nicely_ to someone like _me_! At least I'm not a failure like you," Frostpaw sneered. Frostpaw had never attacked Sunpaw or Ivypaw before, so Ivypaw was slightly surprised out how much of a jerk she was, but it was all pointless.

"Frostpaw won, and Sunpaw doesn't care. Why are we all fighting, again?" Ivypaw stepped in.

"Whatever." Frostpaw was settling in her nest. _At least that's over._

Ivypaw walked over to the corner of the den, where her nest was, right next to Sunpaw's. When Ivypaw settled in her own nest, Sunpaw went in hers.

"Who knew Frostpaw was so mean?" Sunpaw whispered, glancing over at the frosty white apprentice. _Her pelt reminds me of leaf-bare, no wonder she's so horrible._

"Just ignore her, she's nothing," Ivypaw responded. "She's jealous because she's not like you- you totally would've won if Larkwing hadn't stepped in and ended it."

"Thanks, Ivypaw." Sunpaw was grinning. "Good night."

"Night," Ivypaw replied, laying her head down. _Time for some sleep._

* * *

"The day has come," Dawnshade announced. Ivypaw already knew that today was the day she would get her final assessment- her test to become a warrior, it had finally come. She, Sunpaw, Mousepaw, and Frostpaw were finally ready. The last few moons of her life had honestly just been better with Mousepaw around, he'd been a great friend, and he and Sunpaw were the friends she could ever ask for. Even when things were harder, they were always there.

Ivypaw was just happy that they had been around, and she was glad that her apprenticeship was finally coming to an end. She'd be a warrior soon, and it was honestly just exciting for her. Everything she'd been wanting would be hers when she was warrior. She'd get to hunt on her own time, attend patrols _without_ Dawnshade, and spend more time with Sunpaw and Mousepaw.

"Ivypaw!" Dawnshade snapped. "What was I just talking about?" Ivypaw couldn't afford to make Dawnshine angry right then, so she took a guess.

"You were talking about how we're finally ready…?" Ivypaw didn't know at all, but it was her best guess. Dawnshade narrowed her eyes and continued talking, so she must've been somewhat right.

"It will be a hunting assessment, to pass you must return with at least three _good_ pieces of prey, you have until sunset," Dawnshade explained. "You may begin now, remember, do as best as you can."

Ivypaw nodded, and set off. It began with her simply padding round, searching for scents. Soon she caught a scent, a mouse scent. She followed it closely until she could sense that it was near. There, only a few leaps away, was the mouse. Ivypaw hid herself in the trees and undergrowth, stalking closer and closer to the prey. Then, with one swift pounce, she had it in her paws. _I did it!_

As it was trying to wiggle free from her grasp, she bit into its neck, killing the creature. _Well, I'm on my way._ She buried it in a little hole she'd dug, she'd pick it up later.

As she was searching for another scent, she was suddenly pushed to the ground. In front of her was a frosty white pelt, and she could hear scattering paw steps from behind her. _Frostpaw, great._

"You ruined my catch!" Frostpaw snapped, her icy blue eyes blazing. "Seriously? That would've been my second, excuse you, but I plan on catching more than three, and now that's one piece of prey less than I would've gotten if _you_ didn't ruin it."

"I'm sorry that you didn't have the intelligence to smell my scent while you were stalking your prey," Ivypaw hissed.

"Excuse _you_?" Frostpaw looked infuriated, as if she'd leap at Ivypaw any time now. "I'd watch how you talk. If you've forgotten, I'm better than every other apprentice in this Clan, so if I were you, I wouldn't want to anger me."

"Why are you like this?" Ivypaw whispered.

"Because nobody cares about me, or loves me!" Frostpaw cried. "So you know what? Everybody may not have to love me, but I want at least cats like you and you're dumb friends to respect me!"

Ivypaw widened her eyes at Frostpaw's burst of emotion. _She's been like this for so long, that I guess I never thought that she had a reason to be the way she was. I can't believe for all this time I just thought she was just born mean._

"I'm sorry you feel the way you do," Ivypaw murmured. "I'm sorry you feel alone, I guess I never stopped to think that maybe you have it worse than I do." She knew it wouldn't please Frostpaw, but it was a true apology.

"It's okay," Frostpaw whispered. "Nobody ever stopped to think about how I feel, but how can I blame them when all I do is cover them up? I'm sorry for lashing out at you, let's just continue hunting on our own."

Ivypaw didn't know what to say at that moment, so she merely nodded, and padded away. _...what just happened?_

* * *

When Ivypaw returned, she had one squirrel, her mouse, and one shrew. It seemed great at first, but then she looked at the sun, and saw that it was setting. She'd barely made it on time, she definitely could've done better. _I'll just have to do better as an actual warrior, I suppose._ When she looked around, she saw Frostpaw emerge with through the undergrowth, carrying three piece of prey. But she walked over to a pile, one she must've been making. There was three _other_ pieces of prey, making it six.

 _...wow._

Soon all the apprentices were gathered around, just before the sun was done setting. All of them had caught at least three pieces of prey. Ivypaw had to say, they all hadn't done a bad job.

Applefrost stepped forward. "I see that you all have completed your task," she murmured. "Now it is up to your mentors if you become a warrior or not. But you've all done a wonderful job on your assessment."

Surely Dawnshade would be impressed with Ivypaw's catches? And if Dawnshade had been following her to judge her at some point, Ivypaw had been completely focused. Well, except for her one meeting with Frostpaw, but Dawnshade wouldn't care about that, right? And she probably hadn't seen her then at all, Ivypaw had no reason to not become a warrior.

"Ivypaw." She whipped around to see Dawnshade standing there, a blank expression. "You've done well on your assessment, and I think you know I wouldn't have let you take the assessment if I didn't think that you were ready. However, you still have one problem that doesn't seem to have left."

"What?" Ivypaw whispered.

"You still need to pay attention." For just a second, Ivypaw thought she saw a gleam of pride in her mentor's eyes. "Good luck as a warrior."

* * *

"Ivyshadow." Ivyshadow could feel Mousetail's fur brush hers, and she looking into his eyes.

"Hello," she murmured.

"How are you?" he asked, setting a mouse in front of them. "I caught this myself."

"Good job," she purred, a feeling flooding through her. She didn't know what it was, she'd never felt anything like this except when she was with Mousetail. "And I'm doing fine. You?"

Mousetail took a bite in. "Eh, I'm okay. But Frostlight has been even more of a pain, I really don't know what her problem is."

Ivyshadow pushed away the memory of her and Frostlight's chat when they had been doing their warrior assessment. "Yeah," she agreed. "She's just a jerk, don't pay any attention to her."

"So." He turned his head toward her. "What should we talk about?"

"I don't know," she muttered.

"Well," he began. "Why don't we talk about how your fur is a mess? Did you fall into a hole or something?"

"Hey!" she purred, turning and cuffing his ear. "My fur? You should look at yourself!"

"Yeah, but my fur's always been a mess, there's nothing new about that for me. But with you, however…"

"Oh, shut up!" She gave him a small shove with her side, feeling much happier than she had been before he had come.

"Heh." Mousetail's bright expression faded for a second, then came back. _Is he as happy as he's letting on…?_ "Well, I should probably go, I think Dewleaf wanted me on the sunhigh patrol, which should be leaving around now."

"Oh, of course," she murmured. "Goodbye!"

"Bye," he responded quickly, padding away at a quick pace. _Is he okay?_

* * *

About four moons had passed since Ivyshadow had become a warrior, and things had changed over those four moons. For one, Sunblaze had found a mate, Hareleap. And now she had little time to talk with Ivyshadow, making her feel a bit lonely.

Another thing that made her feel lonely was that Mousetail was constantly avoiding her. Everytime she attempted talking with him, he would find an excuse or just plain pretend that he couldn't hear her. She didn't know if she had done something, but Mousetail most likely didn't like her anymore. It was sad, because for a moment there she had thought that they both liked each other. Oh well.

Ivyshadow was sitting down and eating prey, by herself, of course. Unlike Sunblaze, she hadn't found anyone else that she liked or liked her. She had never really prioritized finding a mate, after all, she _had_ liked Mousetail. But he was obviously avoiding her for a reason, and she just had to accept that.

But with her only two friends away, things would get pretty lonely. It wasn't as much fun thinking by herself than talking with Mousetail and Sunblaze. She had thought about finding other friends, but who? And how? She didn't exactly like to just talk with random people, and she wasn't sure if she'd even like anyone else. No one else could quite be like Sunblaze or Mousetail, they were unique.

From the other side of camp, near the nursery, she saw Mousetail and Frostlight sharing a shrew. As of yesterday, Mousetail was beginning to spend an unusual amount of time with Frostlight. She hated to admit it, but she was feeling jealous as she watched the two. _What exactly is Mosetail's reason for avoiding me, and acting like mates with Frostlight? Is he ignoring me because he doesn't want to talk or be friends with me anymore, and I'm just too stupid to get the message?_

Mousetail and Frostlight were talking to each other, and Ivyshadow could barely watch. _They're so sweet together...were Mousetail and I ever like that?_ But she wanted to know what Mousetail's deal was. If he didn't want to be her friend anymore, he could tell her that to her face.

"They're gross, aren't they?" A voice hissed, and she could feel someone sitting next to her. She turned her head to see Addertail, peering at the two with narrowed eyes. "They're not right for each other, I can tell it. What are they trying to do?"

Ivyshadow was surprised. She has rarely ever spoken with Addertail, why would he talk to her about it unless….oh no. Was her jealousy _showing_? But she couldn't help but agree.

"Yeah," she agreed. "Besides, as far as I know, they haven't started hanging out with each other until, what, yesterday?"

"I think so." Addertail's tail lashed. "Just a few days ago Frostlight was talking with Reedfur, and now she's on to Mousetail. Of course."

Ivyshadow hadn't ever payed attention to Frostlight, was that was she was doing? Going to toms, then leaving them for another? _That's horrible, she's horrible. She may have been real when she told me about how she felt in the forest, but this is too far._

"She's horrible," Ivyshadow whispered. She looked at Frostlight's snowy white pelt. "She reminds me of leaf-bare, leaf-bare is always horrible."

* * *

"Reedfur, Addertail, Ivyshadow, Mousetail!" Dappledpelt called. "Hunting patrol!"

A patrol with Mousetail? Was this finally her chance to speak with him? She wouldn't let Mousetail find an excuse this time, he could say what he had to say to her face.

Ivyshadow padded over to the group, and cast a second long glance at Mousetail, who was talking with Reedfur.

"We'll be hunting near the ShadowClan border," Dappledpelt told them. "But, _please_ try to _not cross_ the border. The last time we had a dispute with ShadowClan, it wasn't that great."

Once they'd reached the spot that they'd be hunting in, Dappledpelt turned around. "We'll be split into groups. Reedfur, Addertail, and I will be the first group. Mousetail and Ivyshadow will be the second group, now go!"

Just her luck, wasn't it? Being paired up with the cat she'd been trying to talk with for forever now. Or perhaps it wasn't her luck, but his unluckiness. Either way, she would finally be able to speak with him.

Mousetail awkwardly padded over to her, his eyes looking anywhere but her face. "I suppose we should go, shouldn't we?" _Why is he acting so nervous? Why can't he even look me in the face?_ What _is his problem!_

"Yes, we should." Ivyshadow sounded colder than she had meant to, in fact, she sounded bitter. Well, she was a bit bitter. But Mousetail didn't seem to have any interesting reaction, he just continued staring at trees so he didn't have to look at her. "Let's try to catch a scent."

Mousetail merely nodded. I need to talk to him soon, or my chance will slip away.

"Mousetail," she said steadily. "May I speak with you for a moment, actually?"

Mousetail shifted his paws. "Shouldn't it wait until we're done? We should prioritize this first. You can always talk to me afterwards, anyway. So I think I've found a-."

"I _don't care_ about what scent you've found, I need to talk to you know."

Mousetail looked even more nervous than before. _He can't get out of talking to me this time, I won't let him._

"What is it?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly. Why was he so upset about talking to her? Did he think she'd be angry if he didn't want to be her friend anymore? Well, maybe she _would_ be considering the fact that he wouldn't have told her until then, and that he'd left her wondering what she'd done wrong.

"Why are you avoiding me?" she whispered. "Why won't you talk to me? If you don't want to be my friend anymore, then that's fine. Just tell me now so at least I know."

Mousetail sighed. "Ivyshadow...I might as well tell you everything, you deserve to know. Frostlight and I use to hate each other a few moons ago, but the day after I last _really_ talked to you, she was sweet. She apologized. I didn't really know her before then. I...I think I love her, Ivyshadow." He shifted his paws again. "A few days ago she finally called it off with Reedfur, and I took my chance. But I use to like you, and she knew it. She told me that she if I really loved her, I wouldn't spend time with you. I didn't want to lose her. I'm sorry that I haven't told you until now, I thought you'd be mad."

"I am. I wouldn't have been if you had told me right away, but you didn't. I thought we were closer than that. But I guess being friends isn't even an option anyway, right? Your mate wouldn't like you spending any time with me, right?"

"Ivyshadow…"

"No, it's fine. I'm sorry. I'm just upset that you didn't feel like you can tell me. And a bit upset that you've known me for seven moons, and her for two, and you're choosing her over me. But it's fine," she muttered. "That's all you had to say, Mousetail. We don't have to be friends. See you around, I suppose." Without thinking about her patrol, she vanished through the trees and undergrowth.

* * *

Around three moons had passed since her talk with Mousetail, and things were getting better. She and Mousetail never talked, and he was off with Frostlight. Things were probably better that way. Sunblaze was now in the nursery, expecting. Ivyshadow visited her sometimes, and they would talk. But Ivyshadow wasn't lonely anymore, she had a mate. She never thought it would happen, but it did.

"How are you doing?" Addertail sat next to her, and pushed a mouse toward her with his paw. "You better like it, I fought with Frostlight for it at the fresh-kill pile."

"You're just too sweet," she purred.

"You're better."

She began to feel happy, and she had a big grin on her face. This happened whenever she was around Addertail, he was the best mate she could've asked for. _I'm glad Mousetail is with Frostlight_ _,_ she thought. _Otherwise I would've never really known Addertail._

"Yeah right," she responded.

"You really are," he told her. "But now let's talk about how annoying Frostlight has been. I wonder when she'll give it a rest."

"Never," she murmured. "That's just who Frostlight is." She peered at Frostlight's snowy white pelt from across camp, she was talking with Mousetail. _She still reminds me of leaf-bare_. Frostlight's blue eyes were gleaming at Mousetail. _And leaf-bare is still horrible. And that will never change._


End file.
